Everything is All Right

Lately, I’ve been exhausted. Sometimes I notice that it's just part of the cycle of Being, but these days it seems like I just can’t catch up. I feel the influx of energy about to happen but then it dissipates. When I allow myself to rest, I sink into stagnation and don’t even want to move. It doesn’t feel like the depression I’ve felt before based more so on Ego attachment. It feels more like no matter what I do to give myself more energy - be it more rest, less time around people struck by Maya, or healthier foods - I’m still in the same place, feeling drained. 

I’m recognizing that it is time to fill my cup with something good and I’m searching for what that goodness might be. Energy spent in the garden seems to be the only thing that actually gives me life. Even music hasn’t been doing it for me. I suppose part of it is the recent climate report. As I’m writing this, not really knowing where it’s going, I see the screen blur and my eyelashes collecting tears. I’d like to be hopeful and positive, really. But it’s not easy. 

There are many who care, I know. As humans, we’ve seen our destruction of Earth due to greed and power grow and grow and yet here we are, not doing anything. At least the ones who could actually shift the way of destruction aren’t taking action to do so. 

It’s beyond baffling while at the same time not surprising at all that the people with power would make decisions that eliminate the potential for a peaceful, sustainable life for all humans. It's baffling because I can’t imagine making those decisions no matter how much money I had or what kind of position of power I held. It’s not surprising though, because what blinds the human from the language of breezes is power itself. 

Here I am, little human, stuck within the cycle of surviving in a system that wants me dead. With the smallest bit of energy I still have, I do my best and take one step at a time towards self-sustainability and compassionate guidance for those around me. The inner work must still be done and the outer work follows with a ripple effect; at least that is the goal…

“Imagine a world where money has no value,” my Dad reminds me every now and then. And I try. And I do. Surely by simply giving, I will receive. Not so. Not entirely. There are feel-good moments and moments of reciprocal pure love with those I pour myself out to. There are also moments of emptiness, having poured too much.  

The Dharma Bums’ Ray Smith would whisper to me, “Everything is alllll right, forever and forever and forever.” Or maybe he’d elatedly yell, “It’s empty, everythins empty, things come but to go, all things made have to be unmade, and they’ll have to be unmade simply because they were made!” And somehow that would dry my tears and I’d feel alright again. 

Still, with the awareness that I am the awareness that is aware, my Earthling self is despondent. The Earth will be rid of us if we continue to take, take, take, without giving in return. The Earth will restore itself in one way or another, whether that is while we humans are still around to bear witness as allies or by eradicating the virus that is Capitalist supremacy and human greed. 

I have fallen in love with the soil and the sky and all the elements between and beyond. The heart breaks when it is undecidedly torn away from that it yearns to be close to. Yet I am still here surrounded by what I love, moving slowly with this cloudy human brain, full of “what ifs” and “should’ve beens.” 

Evenso, there is energy to be given and received and I intend to dig my feet into the ground and continue to build the relationship within and without myself, with the Earth and the Universe.

All I can do if I should continue to choose to stay here in the physical manifestation of the human body is reach down to the roots of existence and reciprocate with the life/death/life cycle and the balance of give and take. Every little thing is connected. I am the trees. I am you. You are the trees. You are me. 

If you read this far and you’re one of those creatures that’s in love with the same beauty and floating in space as the same awareness and your human self understands my words, please don’t hesitate to reach out. We might just find home within each other. 

In Lak’ech, Ala K’in (Mayan phrase, meaning I am you, you are me)